Burninating the countrysiiiide... burninating the people...

TROGDOOOOOOOOOOOOR!!!!!!!!!!!!

This entry is chalked full of random things that kick ass. The first thing would be the kickass dragon you see here before you, Trogdor. He doesn't mess around. If you aren't cool enough, he'll burninate you and your entire village.

The second badass thing about this entry is the following list of the "World's Thinnest Books":

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FRENCH WAR HEROES

by Jacques Chirac

MAKING SUCCESSFUL MOVIES

by Steven Segal

MY BEAUTY SECRETS

by Janet Reno

MY SUPERBOWL HIGHLIGHTS

by Dan Marino

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL

by Hillary Clinton

MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE

by Osama Bin Laden

THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD

by Bill Gates

THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY

by Dennis Rodman

MY WILD YEARS

by Al Gore

AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC

AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS

DETROIT: A TRAVEL GUIDE

A COLLECTION OF MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES

by Dr. J. Kevorkian

ALL THE MEN I HAVE LOVED BEFORE

by Ellen de Generes

GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE

by Mike Tyson

SPOTTED OWL RECIPES

by the EPA

THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY

MY PLAN TO FIND
THE REAL KILLERS

by O. J. Simpson
with introduction by Robert Blake

101 AMAZING BREAD RECIPES

by Dr. Robert Atkins

Alas! Another Ingenious Idea That Isn't Mine!

A friend of mine recently informed me of a business move made by the creators of everyone's favorite "Coinstar". As if the original idea of the Coinstar machine wasn't ingenious enough, they've gone and caused business professionals everywhere to slap their foreheads once again with a universal inner-voice resounding, "It's so simple, yet... so genius!"

So, Coinstar has agreed to remove the usual 8.9 cent per dollar coin-cointing fee if the customer opts to receive their payment in the form of a "gift card" from that Coinstar center's merchant. They have also developed a "gift card mall" program, that offers merchants a turnkey solution to providing customers with a range of retail gift cards that can be purchased at the POS. Genius! Pure genius.

These brilliant Bellevue-based bastards have affiliated with Stored Value Systems (SVS), a subsidiary of Comdata Corporation, hence adding two distribution channels for SVS' gift card customers, who have been looking for additional distribution channels beyond their in-store delivery systems. The gift card sale and transaction will be processed by SVS and business-boom-bang!

The new frontier in gift card sales is not just boosting traditional sales within a merchant's four walls. Merchants are now looking for ways to get their gift cards in customer hands outside the traditional in-store delivery system. This agreement is a significant milestone in offering more distribution options for this very popular product.

Bob Skiba, SVS executive vice president and general manager

Gift cards are becoming more widly used by consumers as an additional method of retail purchasing. Of course 'Brainstar' already knew that. So, in good Rodeo Flip Off fashion, I salute you genius bastards with both middle fingers.

I'm going to go dig in the sofa for some change so I can get a Starbucks card now. Cheers!

My Last Post Before Liberation

This will be the last post before I leave on a highly anticipated trip across the state. I will be camping, swimming, guitarring and just plain living life the way it is supposed to be lived. I hope to come back revived and renewed. I recommend you do the same occaisionally before you turn into a corporate droid.

This is what we're driving into the sunset, middle fingers in air...



This is what we're sharing with the world. Not really, but we have loads of it...

This is the kid who drinks all of our beer. Little asshole...

And this is my new little buddy. His name is Jerome and he's the shit. He's coming with us, so you best make other plans. He's mine. Finders, keepers bitch.

Want a Famous Face?

I was watching TV the other day and one of those plastic surgery reality shows was on... I believe they were sawing off a piece of some beautiful girl's nose cartilage, attempting to make her look more like Britney Spears or someone. I mean, I understand if someone has suffered through life with some hideous deformity and wants to change the way they look, but I can't stand watching these shallow dolts cutting up their bodies just to compensate for some key element of childhood development that they somehow missed.

The two shows that I've accidentally flipped to while channel surfing are Dr. 90210 and I Want a Famous Face. Gag me! There was an episode showing a girl who wanted breast implants, a chin implant and an eyebrow lift so she could look like Brooke Burke. I don't blame her for wanting to look like Brooke Burke. I mean, I can't say that I haven't ever wished that I looked like Brooke Burke while gazing into the bathroom mirror, but that's a different story. As naive as this girl's wish was, it was only one of her brazen desires. The other, "more important" desire was to win her town's highly distinguished (notice the sarcasm) bikini contest which she had obviously competed in before, and lost. Even after her graphic surgeries and whiny recovery, the cameras followed her to this crazy contest where she was to win the coveted golden bikini... mmm hmm. Yeah, she lost. (evil chuckle) I could see it in her eyes; the moment she realized that maybe surgery can't turn you into something you're NOT. I could have told her that. Now, if doctors could modify an ugly personality the same way they can modify an ugly face...

Then there's Nip-"Fuck!" Example #1) King Michael:

need I say more?

Electro'tainment War

And the race has begun among the 3 video game giants, with Microsoft in the lead with their highly anticipated Xbox 360. Sony has fired back with the introduction of their Playstation 3. Likewise, buzz marketing is increasing for Nintendo's new Revolution system. They all look pretty bitchin' in my opinion, but from what I've read so far, Gates is going all-out on his new Xbox system and it will likely be in a league of its own.

click the images for demos

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I'm all for Xbox. The other two get the finger!

Beating a Dead Horse

Republican Dino Rossi is challenging Gregoire's 2004 victory in the closest statewide election in national history, alleging widespread problems including illegal votes cast by felons and dead people. -more-

By REBECCA COOK Associated Press Writer

I am so tired of hearing about this dispute. I mean, Gregoire's already been in office for months now! Just let it be. I'm neither claiming to advocate Gregoire nor Rossi, but if the Republicans win this redundant battle, they will hold another election and bla, bla, bla. I don't care enough to vote again. Ugh! I understand that if the election was won due to illegal voting activities, then justice must prevail. But it's hard not to think they're beating a dead horse into the ground with this one.

The Republicans are fervently trying to prove that Gregoire's victory was based solely on votes cast by convicted felons. What they don't realize is that there were likely more criminals voting in counties that were won by Rossi, thus potentially equalizing the GOP tally proportionally and proving this relentless political mêlée a big waste of time and money.

Whose side am I on, you ask? I'm on the horse's side with a freshly flipped finger.

Mother Nature Has PMS

It's sunny again! It's sunny for the 5th freaking time today! Do not be fooled. The last two days Mother Nature has shown her many sides, the current being my favorite. Yesterday at around 4:00 the sun was shining and it looked as if I would be enjoying a nice, warm ride home in less-than-bad traffic. Nope. Literally minutes later, I could hear a surge of wind and the steadily increasing white noise of the torrential downpour that ensued. At that point, I picked up my phone, began dialing, then NOTHING! Absolutely nothing. No power, no spreadsheet on my screen that I'd been working on all day, no keyboards rattling throughout the area... there were however many distant "Shit!"s and "What the hell?!"s emanating from cubicles containing other temperamental employees that had just lost those important documents they'd been losing hair over all day. "Why didn't I click save?!!!" Ha ha. So, since Mother Nature has been acting insanely bipolar, and knowing that she may get her panties into a bunch any minute now and blow a tree into my damn face... I'm leaving while she's still in a good mood. I think the world is ending. FRIDAY!!! Thank everything holy!

Friday and Payday... Supa. Woopty-doo!

I'm so frickin' tyahd of this. Go. Away. Daymit. Go away you freak!

Click Carl to go to his soundboard and to "mayke 'im extra mayd!"